It is quite easy as a mother/parent to neglect one’s own self-care. The competing demands of maintaining our children, while also juggling the countless other roles and responsibilities inside our lives and careers, can leave hardly any time left over for self-care activities (or inactivities as the case might be). Self-care and self-nurturing are foundational to our well-being and effectiveness as mothers (so when human beings). We not merely have our kids to love and look after, and our partners where they exist, but additionally ourselves.
In many ways, we ultimately love and look after others, to the extent we love and care for ourselves. Many of you scanning this article are very proficient at being “other focused”, caring for the requirements of children, partners, aging parents, friends, neighbours, as well as perhaps also clients, patients and students if your work in the world involves helping or supporting others. Again, the extent to which you are able to fully show up by yourself behalf, will be reflected in the distance it is possible to support others to take terms of their health insurance and well-being- including your children. A wise woman once said to me, “we only take people so far as we have gone ourselves.” As mothers, we want to take children the fantastic distance towards their health, well-being and happiness, hence a journey we are called to make ourselves.
Being a mother, may be the most complex, amazing, exhausting, and meaningful work that I’ve ever done in my own life so far. All the tending, loving, giggling, clearing up, getting snacks, changing diapers, running baths, reading stories, teaching, sleepless nights, adjusting, evolving, coordinating, learning and growing is actually mind boggling. I used to think the toughest job I ever endured was as a child welfare social worker, than I worked in the emergency department of a hospital and thought that has been up there in the “that is challenging work” category. Onward to key note speeches and facilitating training programs in front of a huge selection of people, where my heart would pound loudly in my ears as I was introduced, seconds away from needing to say something brilliant (or at the very least not foolish) to individuals sitting at round tables with their name tags on. I QUICKLY became a mother and fell to my knees in the humility of the all consuming, miracle of motherhood. Now That is hard work! www.markalpha.com/products/lipo-laser-cavitation-machine , in my experience, is hard, easy, natural, challenging, joyful, soulful and frequently invisible work.
Self-care has a totally new meaning now since how well I take care of myself will determine, for some reason, how well I care for my children. That being said, I also notice the more we care for others, the harder it is to maintain self-care – there may be so many competing imperatives on our time. With deep respect and compassion because of this reality, here are a few tips for prioritiizing your personal self-care as a mother/parent (if you are not a parent – I hope you find value in these pointers as you honour your self-care in the midst of what is true in your life).
Do what you love – in the event that you only can create half an hour a day to deal with yourself – choose activities that you truly love to do (what really fills you up, inspires you, nurtures you, supports you – choose these things!) – it will make it easier to reach them. Yes, running 5 kms would be good, but maybe you would rather have a bubble bath – so have the bath!
Think integration versus balance – balance may seem just like a distant far fetched notion when you pack kids into the car, run back in the house to grab your vehicle keys and the lunch bag you forgot on the counter, so let’s reframe balance into integration. Integration means that the really important parts of your life get some of one’s attention – and that means you exercise, eat healthy, and make time for self reflection. But perhaps you can’t do many of these things each day – but overall you tend to them in the course of a week, per month – this is integration.
Give yourself permission to put yourself first – there is always more to do – another load of laundry, more dishes – there is always something that can take you away from yourself! You must give yourself permission, absolute endorsement, to care for yourself. This WILL mean walking away from other activities to claim this time on your own – this guilt free, essential time on your own devoted to maintaining your wellness and replenishment.
Ask for what you need and want – we are in need of support from our family, friends and colleagues to put self-care up front in our lives. One way to understand this support is to not leave it to chance or default, ask for it, be clear and specific in the thing you need from others to assist you achieve your self-care goals. Be sure you also ask ways to support them to be mindful too – this creates a win-win environment for creating and sustaining healthy lifestyles inside our families and in our workplaces.
Create self-care routines and habits – if you have to always give a large amount of thought and preparation to your self-care activities, you are much less likely to actually follow through with getting down to it. It is a lot simpler to have routines for your self-care – for example, you understand you get a walk at lunch time (period – you protect enough time, you don’t have to find out when you are going to exercise, and while others are working through lunch, responding to more email, etc. you are moving your system and having a rest!)
Say YES to rest – most Moms I understand are tired – and once and for all reason. Getting some sleep and some rest is key to getting the energy and mindset to tend to other self-care activities. For anyone who is feeling depleted, run-down, exhausted – it is OK to make rest your number 1 priority! Your energy will go up, you will feel better by getting some rest. Based on how old your children are, what stage of sleep deprivation you could be in as a parent, rest might need to be the ONLY think you are attempting to do in effort to deal with yourself. It’s OK to have just one thing on your self-care “to do” list!